You're halfway through your smashed avo and the coffee's stimulant effect hits your bowels. (Bear with me here). You rush to the bathroom and, as you open the door, your little eyes open maniacally wide. If they could turn into love hearts like that emoji, they would. But you're not emoji. You're people.
You destroy the toilet and rush back to your brunch club, declaring, "you have GOT to check out the bathroom".
So, when you're planning a bathroom renovation, shoot for that same effect. The "You have GOT to check out the bathroom" Effect (new term).
Because, you know, why are you even renovating if not to make your friends and family jealous? Create some buzz around a trip to the loo and you've done it right.
A Big, Bold, 'I'm confident with my life choices' Colour
Nothing disguises self-doubt like a bold colour. Paint right over your inferiority complex with a couple of coats of paint. Because people see a bright bathroom and think, 'Wow, she really has her shit together. Inadequate people don't make such bold choices...'
Go with yellow, like Austin Maynard did here.
Or teal like David Boyle pulls off at this eclectic house. Because bathroom.
Or yellow. (I really like yellow).
Boring in the bedroom can be forgiven, boring in the bathroom is an actual crime against design. Look it up.
Bathroom tiles come in literally* a billion colours, not to mention textures and patterns; you have zero excuses to play it meek in the bathroom.
Remember, a designer dies everytime you choose a beige tile. Do you want blood on your hands, Rachael? No, you do not.
So, how about...
Aqua tiles with terracotta grout? Swoon.
An era-appropriate patterned tile like at this 1960s Home by Nest Architects?
Or regal, royal blue tiles, like Lai Cheong Brown did at this off-grid, prefab house of wonders? Also note the combo of matte and gloss tiles. Very win.
A little, hidden turquoise bathroom pod for your morning ablutions?
Or ocean-blue terrazzo, like Winwood Mckenzie Architecture did in Northcote.
And, yes, that is a terrazzo-clad drawer.
Terracotta tiles in the bathroom? That's a hell yes from me.
Embrace the Tittilating View
If I see another bathroom with a pokey, rippley, obscure-glass window after hitting publish on this article, I'm probably going to radicalise. You've been warned.
Instead, embrace your inner nudist and open a dramatic portal to the outside world from your bathroom. Worst-case scenario, you've made an unsuspecting passer-by's day...
Light some candles, and bring a glass of wine for a beautiful princess bath overlooking the trees.
This one will require bubbles. And I'm not talking about a bubble bath.
'Sure', you say, 'but not everyone has a lush tropical rainforest outside their bathroom window, Brodie...'
So fine, do this instead.
You actually don't even need a view. You can face a brick wall if you want, just as long as your bathroom has a big window. And, actually, additional points for channelling a moody teenager with this all-black bathroom. So much brooding.
I'm just going to leave this here.